Loptonklik is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, vain slug.

Loptonklik created humankind two years ago.

If you believe in Loptonklik, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Loptonklik, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Loptonklik's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Loptonklik's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Feed all hungry doves.

5. Hide if nine otters approach from the east.