Gumtiffly is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, awesome human.

Gumtiffly created vertebrates five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gumtiffly, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Gumtiffly, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Gumtiffly's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Gumtiffly's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from brown sharks for they are unholy.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Porpoises are not to be trusted.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Never paint your hands orange.