Bagsterlarpquat Panfebsat is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, pitiless penguin.

Bagsterlarpquat Panfebsat created Africa seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bagsterlarpquat Panfebsat, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Bagsterlarpquat Panfebsat, he will turn you into a mole.

Bagsterlarpquat Panfebsat's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Bagsterlarpquat Panfebsat's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your feet blue.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Bagsterlarpquat Panfebsat.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.