Jab is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, unthoughtful frog.

Jab created the universe three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jab, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Jab, he will boil you in a big pot.

Jab's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Jab's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed corn to eagles while wearing turquoise shoes.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Never paint your feet blue.

4. Retreat if four grasshopers approach from the south.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.