Fenkamfun is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, emotional zebra.

Fenkamfun created Africa four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fenkamfun, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Fenkamfun, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Fenkamfun's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Fenkamfun's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Worship no other gods but Fenkamfun.

3. Never paint your face orange.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Do not wear zinc on your body.