Gumwabfed is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, compassionate parrot.

Gumwabfed created a top quark seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Gumwabfed, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Gumwabfed, it will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Gumwabfed's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Gumwabfed's Holy Commandments

1. Do not sit in public.

2. Never talk about gravity.

3. Never feed lemons to tortoises while wearing red shorts.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.