Arfyakbag is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, self-assured cobra.

Arfyakbag created vertebrates two billion years ago.

If you believe in Arfyakbag, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Arfyakbag, she will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Arfyakbag's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Arfyakbag's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Retreat if nine frogs approach from the east.

3. Do not eat tomatoes.

4. Never feed carrots to nematodes while wearing violet shirts.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.