Jamxuchab is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, overgenerous grasshopper.

Jamxuchab created Africa three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jamxuchab, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Jamxuchab, it will turn you into a worm.

Jamxuchab's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Jamxuchab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Do not speak about carrots.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Always help snails in need.

5. Do not covet oxen.