Ontappdag is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, dishonest bat.

Ontappdag created matter three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontappdag, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Ontappdag, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Ontappdag's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Ontappdag's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick eagles.

2. Run away if eight pigs approach from the south.

3. Never eat peanuts.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Ontappdag loves grasshopers, so they must be respected.