Mottadrutpad is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, emotional lobster.

Mottadrutpad created parasitic wasps three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Mottadrutpad, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Mottadrutpad, he will turn you into a puffin.

Mottadrutpad's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Mottadrutpad's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at asteroids.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never wear hats.

4. Never bounce near ducks.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.