Tabcimtaf is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, all-knowing wolf.

Tabcimtaf created carbon three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tabcimtaf, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Tabcimtaf, he will think nothing of it.

Tabcimtaf's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Tabcimtaf's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from magenta tapirs, for they are unholy.

2. Do not trade with those who eat gooseberries.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Never paint your back mauve.

5. Do not speak about cucumbers.