Zagkapham is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, happy fly.

Zagkapham created Europe eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zagkapham, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Zagkapham, she will try to impress you with rainbows.

Zagkapham's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Zagkapham's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about amino acids.

2. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Always stare at clouds.