Geptapquamflis is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, kind hydra.

Geptapquamflis created dark energy three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Geptapquamflis, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Geptapquamflis, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Geptapquamflis' most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Geptapquamflis' Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Do not sit in public.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

4. Always make sure there are no monkeys in a room before entering it.

5. Hide if four cats approach from the south.