Gofcudman is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, tranquil goblin.

Gofcudman created dark matter four billion years ago.

If you believe in Gofcudman, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Gofcudman, it will destroy your home galaxy.

Gofcudman's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Gofcudman's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat aubergines.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate doves.

4. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

5. Run away from mauve sharks, for they are unholy.