Kikgadjop Bugpaghig is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, charitable crab.

Kikgadjop Bugpaghig created parasitic wasps nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kikgadjop Bugpaghig, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Kikgadjop Bugpaghig, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Kikgadjop Bugpaghig's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Kikgadjop Bugpaghig's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Kikgadjop Bugpaghig.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of copper.

4. Never write about cell theory.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.