Garfetgom Kapcepwee Wad is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, flying crane.

Garfetgom Kapcepwee Wad created Asia eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Garfetgom Kapcepwee Wad, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Garfetgom Kapcepwee Wad, he will turn you into a snail.

Garfetgom Kapcepwee Wad's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Garfetgom Kapcepwee Wad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in black rooms.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Never think about black holes.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Garfetgom Kapcepwee Wad loves geese, so they must be respected.