Tonlagfarn is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, vain otter.

Tonlagfarn created the planet Mars nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tonlagfarn, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Tonlagfarn, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Tonlagfarn's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Tonlagfarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill voles.

2. You must love Tonlagfarn.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Badgers are not to be trusted.

5. Do not trade with those who eat cucumbers.