Dapspagrak is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, grumpy swallow.

Dapspagrak created carbon two years ago.

If you believe in Dapspagrak, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Dapspagrak, she will not care.

Dapspagrak's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Dapspagrak's Holy Commandments

1. Dapspagrak loves shrews, so they must be respected.

2. You must never eat cucumbers.

3. Never talk about cell theory.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Never talk about fire.