Padcabpang is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, quiet crocodile.

Padcabpang created Europe six billion years ago.

If you believe in Padcabpang, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Padcabpang, he will cry a lot.

Padcabpang's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Padcabpang's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat figs.

2. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Erect six titanium sculptures of Padcabpang on top of important buildings.

5. Do not make images of living things.