Gamsabxuck is a god.

He takes the form of a large, cheerful jaguar.

Gamsabxuck created dark energy four billion years ago.

If you believe in Gamsabxuck, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gamsabxuck, he will turn you into a hamster.

Gamsabxuck's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Gamsabxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if six pigs approach from the east.

2. Feed all hungry doves.

3. Erect five silicon sculptures of Gamsabxuck on top of important buildings.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Never hurt seals.