Wigtadmetfoss is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, omniscient seal.

Wigtadmetfoss created the Cigar Galaxy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Wigtadmetfoss, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Wigtadmetfoss, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Wigtadmetfoss' most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Wigtadmetfoss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat cherries.

2. Do not wear yellow clothing.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Hide from turquoise pigs for they are unholy.