Midgemhim is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, benevolent dragon.

Midgemhim created viruses five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Midgemhim, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Midgemhim, he will turn you into a hamster.

Midgemhim's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Midgemhim's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if eight bats approach from the north.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Respect your elders.

4. You must pray to Midgemhim four times a day.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Midgemhim.