Hamvonhon is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, annoying cow.

Hamvonhon created the Cigar Galaxy two million years ago.

If you believe in Hamvonhon, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Hamvonhon, she will strike you with lightening.

Hamvonhon's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Hamvonhon's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat cherries.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not wear titanium on your body.

4. Do not dye your hair turquoise.

5. Hide if eight shrews approach from the north.