Tonksitvonyok is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, overgenerous aardvark.

Tonksitvonyok created a down quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonksitvonyok, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Tonksitvonyok, he will turn you into a rock.

Tonksitvonyok's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Tonksitvonyok's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear red clothing.

2. Tonksitvonyok loves mites, so they must be respected.

3. Always make sure there are no rats in a building before entering it.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Do not listen to music.