Jabarmgov is a god.

She takes the form of a large, idiotic lobster.

Jabarmgov created a Higgs boson four years ago.

If you believe in Jabarmgov, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Jabarmgov, she will try to impress you with trees.

Jabarmgov's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Jabarmgov's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention bats.

2. Do not eat bread.

3. Always wear purple.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Always obey Jabarmgov's priests.