Tonkhendib is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, benevolent crab.

Tonkhendib created a charm quark three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tonkhendib, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Tonkhendib, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Tonkhendib's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Tonkhendib's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about cell theory.

2. Erect a large tin sculpture of Tonkhendib on top of all buildings.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Never feed tomatoes to badgers while wearing turquoise tights.

5. Never talk about moons.