Bapcadgad is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, smart turtle.

Bapcadgad created oxygen four billion years ago.

If you believe in Bapcadgad, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Bapcadgad, he will turn you into a puffin.

Bapcadgad's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Bapcadgad's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

2. Do not wear green clothing.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Feed all hungry tortoises.