Zessgumvil is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, staggering wolf.

Zessgumvil created the Large Magellanic Cloud three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zessgumvil, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Zessgumvil, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Zessgumvil's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Zessgumvil's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never eat rice.