Figguphomnadbafxinbodxem is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, ruthless bat.

Figguphomnadbafxinbodxem created carbon seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Figguphomnadbafxinbodxem, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Figguphomnadbafxinbodxem, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Figguphomnadbafxinbodxem's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Figguphomnadbafxinbodxem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Figguphomnadbafxinbodxem.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Never mention dogs.

5. Never talk about fire.