Cussbagfen is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, humane manatee.

Cussbagfen created an up quark four million years ago.

If you believe in Cussbagfen, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Cussbagfen, she will jump up and down on your head.

Cussbagfen's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Cussbagfen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Never sit in holy places.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Always take life seriously.