Hotbetgig is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, merciless lobster.

Hotbetgig created a charm quark three million years ago.

If you believe in Hotbetgig, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Hotbetgig, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Hotbetgig's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Hotbetgig's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lemons to great tits while wearing green dresses.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Never sing near seals.