Barntettihot is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, ill-tempered tapir.

Barntettihot created humankind two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Barntettihot, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Barntettihot, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Barntettihot's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Barntettihot's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Barntettihot.

3. Run away if seven moths approach from the north.

4. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

5. Do not wear iron on your body.