Tarkemgovhasmip is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, awesome finch.

Tarkemgovhasmip created a quark three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarkemgovhasmip, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tarkemgovhasmip, it will ignore you.

Tarkemgovhasmip's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Tarkemgovhasmip's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat seals with great respect.

2. Never laugh in the presence of otters.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Never think about gravity.

5. Pray towards the east.