Bedpakmeg is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, omnipotent swallow.

Bedpakmeg created a bottom quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Bedpakmeg, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Bedpakmeg, it will throw large rocks at you.

Bedpakmeg's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Bedpakmeg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Do not hurt cats.