Vontailtim is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, benevolent mole.

Vontailtim created the Whirlpool Galaxy six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vontailtim, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Vontailtim, he will strike you with lightening.

Vontailtim's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Vontailtim's Holy Commandments

1. Never run near mites.

2. Never wear white dresses.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Run away if seven capybaras approach from the east.

5. Put Vontailtim first in all things.