Janmatceb Bassbodveg is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, caring weasel.

Janmatceb Bassbodveg created the planet Mars eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Janmatceb Bassbodveg, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Janmatceb Bassbodveg, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Janmatceb Bassbodveg's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Janmatceb Bassbodveg's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat melons.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not wear silver on your body.

4. Janmatceb Bassbodveg must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Erect six lead sculptures of Janmatceb Bassbodveg on top of important buildings.