Ontcatyarl is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, astonishing donkey.

Ontcatyarl created gold eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ontcatyarl, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Ontcatyarl, she will turn you into a snail.

Ontcatyarl's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Ontcatyarl's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Never think about nebulae.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Ontcatyarl.

4. Do not wear turquoise clothing.

5. Do not covet oxen.