Bassjan Daphakkik Lenxenpad is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, compassionate crow.

Bassjan Daphakkik Lenxenpad created Europe three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bassjan Daphakkik Lenxenpad, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Bassjan Daphakkik Lenxenpad, he will laugh at you.

Bassjan Daphakkik Lenxenpad's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Bassjan Daphakkik Lenxenpad's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Never think ill of sick birds.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Retreat if six tapirs approach from the west.

5. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.