Quim is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, dishonourable crocodile.

Quim created the planet Mars four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quim, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Quim, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Quim's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Quim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Never eat oranges.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Never hurt doves.