Sitfemvog is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, resourceful badger.

Sitfemvog created the planet Saturn six billion years ago.

If you believe in Sitfemvog, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Sitfemvog, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Sitfemvog's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Sitfemvog's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about cell theory.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Sitfemvog.

3. Always obey Sitfemvog's priests.

4. Erect four platinum sculptures of Sitfemvog on top of important buildings.

5. Do not stand on grass.