Gomtarpquam is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, confident seal.

Gomtarpquam created everything that exists two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gomtarpquam, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Gomtarpquam, he will turn you into a snail.

Gomtarpquam's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Gomtarpquam's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at planets.

2. Erect five gold sculptures of Gomtarpquam on top of important buildings.

3. Do not dye your hair mauve.

4. Do not eat onions.

5. Do not cook food in pots.