Nartjonjop is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, moody coyote.

Nartjonjop created time and space six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nartjonjop, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Nartjonjop, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Nartjonjop's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Nartjonjop's Holy Commandments

1. Erect five gold sculptures of Nartjonjop on top of important buildings.

2. Never paint your chest turquoise.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never write about cell theory.

5. Never think ill of sick turtles.