Hogteenwip is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, generous faun.

Hogteenwip created a bottom quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hogteenwip, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Hogteenwip, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Hogteenwip's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Hogteenwip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Always help shrews.

3. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

4. Do not trade with those who eat bananas.

5. Retreat if seven cats approach from the north.