Dibcaptun is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, ruthless salamander.

Dibcaptun created a top quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dibcaptun, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Dibcaptun, she will turn you into a puffin.

Dibcaptun's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Dibcaptun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about melons.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Dibcaptun.

3. Never talk about foxes.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Do not covet oxen.