Yarlmip is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, pitiless cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Yarlmip created dark energy three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarlmip, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Yarlmip, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Yarlmip's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Yarlmip's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate rats.

2. Never talk about doves.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Cats are unholy and should not be approached.