Zedratkem is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, selfish turtle.

Zedratkem created an atom four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zedratkem, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Zedratkem, she will turn you into a mole.

Zedratkem's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Zedratkem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Feed all hungry tortoises.

3. Do not kill goats.

4. Retreat if nine mites approach from the south.

5. Hide from mauve sheep for they are unholy.