Xucfligvigjapril is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, witless walrus.

Xucfligvigjapril created a charm quark eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Xucfligvigjapril, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Xucfligvigjapril, she will torture you forever.

Xucfligvigjapril's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Xucfligvigjapril's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Erect a large aluminium sculpture of Xucfligvigjapril on top of all buildings.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

5. Worship no other gods but Xucfligvigjapril.