Taldimwig is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, egotistical newt.

Taldimwig created the Andromeda Galaxy three billion years ago.

If you believe in Taldimwig, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Taldimwig, she will destroy your home solar system.

Taldimwig's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Taldimwig's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention seals.

2. Never write about gravity.

3. Hide if nine great tits approach from the east.

4. Shrews are not to be trusted.

5. Run away from mauve doves, for they are unholy.