Lapkentam is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, loving fox.

Lapkentam created an atom four million years ago.

If you believe in Lapkentam, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Lapkentam, it will manifest in front of you.

Lapkentam's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Lapkentam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat oranges.

2. Lapkentam loves mice, so they must be honoured.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Do not wear pink clothing.

5. Lapkentam loves shrews, so they must be respected.