Fidwitmilpom is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, compassionate narwhal.

Fidwitmilpom created the cosmos four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fidwitmilpom, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Fidwitmilpom, it will think nothing of it.

Fidwitmilpom's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Fidwitmilpom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Always make sure there are no pigs in a building before entering it.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Never wear ear rings.

5. Always take life seriously.